Happy Birthday To Me

I was born on May 12, 1961 and today is my 53rd birthday.  Wow!  I didn't think I would make it this far.  I've lost so many people on the way here that at times guilt sets in for living.    That is something those of us who survived the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 80's experience.  Even worse, depending how it's viewed, I've survived cancer and a heart attack.  Some may say I'm blessed other may call it luck.  I'm just trying to understand why am I still here?  Sorry, this is becoming a depressing post but these are things that are on my mind.  They, who is "they", say you shouldn't question GOD or the higher power.  If you don't question, how do you obtain the answers?  Not that I'm receiving some divine whisperer or something to answer my questions.

Well anyway, Happy Birthday to me.  Another year, four years after my heart attack and mother's death, five years after cancer treatment, and twenty four years after being diagnosed with HIV (undetectable).  I'm still here.  Smile?  Yes, today I will.

Family Resemblance

Like most people during the holiday season, I become reflective which leads me to look back on my life and wonder where everyone I once new has gone.  Are those friends from my twenties and thirties still on this earth?  During this time I wonder where in the world is Sharon Whitaker, my ex-girl friend from 1984 to 1987.  We had a messy break up which left me homeless with only the clothes on my back and a weekend bag.  Thank goodness I packed heavy back then.  A weekend bag consisted of enough clothing for a week.  As it turned out I need every article of clothing to sustain me for quite awhile.  Talk about mixing and matching to create new looks with the same articles for several weeks.  Yes, I was a "Fashion Don" who could create a look out of nothing.  The Ru Paul fashion challenges would have been nothing for me during that time.

Periodically I would check Facebook for Sharon with no luck until now.  Yes, I stalked her page as an anonymous voyeur reviewing posts and pictures to get an idea as to what she has been up to all these years.  I found a picture of a young lady that looks like me or at least I can see some of my family attributes.  Could it be?
  

I've always had this inner feeling that there may be a chance that I had a child out in the world somewhere.  The question is..."who is the baby daddy?"  Is this young lady her niece all grown up?  Questions that need answers but how am I to obtain them.  I haven't spoken to her since our break up in 1987.  Would she accept a friend request?  How will I ask about the picture without tipping her off that I think the child is mine?  Unfortunately, we lost a baby in the first trimester and I remember the riff between us then.  We were already having difficulties in our relationship and expecting a baby just complicated things even further.  Especially, when I said I would marry her for the baby.  NOT the right thing to say I later learned.  Sharon new she would have a custody battle with me as well since I indicated that if we didn't get married I would want custody.

Well, I asked the question and the answer:  "She's my daughter-in-law that I met two years ago."  Take it as it is.  Daughter-in-law or Daughter.  There is some resemblance to my family.  She looks like my sister when she was younger.  The truth may never be known.