My source for the definitions below is the Miriam Webster's online dictionary. I just had to see if I understood the definition of these words and if they were accurate to my predicament.
- off–put·ting adjective \-ˌpu̇-tiŋ\ : not pleasing or likable : causing you to feel dislike of someone or something.
- con·de·scend·ing adjective \ˌkän-di-ˈsen-diŋ\ : showing that you believe you are more intelligent or better than other people.
- dismissive adjective of: dis·miss verb \dis-ˈmis\ : to decide not to think about or consider (something or someone) : to send (someone) away : to cause or allow (someone) to leave : to officially make (someone) leave a job : to end the employment or service of (someone).
Well, unfortunately the definitions are somewhat accurate. Off-putting was a new description of me that I earned in the past few years. I did not know what it meant until I looked it up. I discovered that not only do I cause people to dislike me or my actions but every day I feel the same way towards someone especially at work. The story of my life, no reference to One Direction, has been full of off-putting comments and actions towards me. Should I have filed complaints towards co-workers or called acquaintances on their actions/comments? I've chosen to distance myself from those individuals which works well with acquaintances. Co-workers are a different story. If I work directly with them then I only deal with them when work requires it. Indirect co-workers are basically ignored. The encounter with them is usually a one time occurrence or very infrequent. In life you will come upon people that cause you to dislike them or something they did. It's inevitable since we are human. For example, I dislike when a person honks their horn at another driver because they did not step on the gas peddle fast enough when the light turned green. That is off-putting to me. Should I call 911? Why, the person may be having an off moment or day for that matter. My discomfort will subside by the next intersection or two. For the most part my boundaries have been enlarged to include those who may cause a feeling of dislike. I at least give them the opportunity to reverse that feeling by getting to know who they really are. They are no longer immediately dismissed from my circle and I have discovered in most cases it was the subject matter or situation that caused them to react in a manner that I viewed as off-putting. By not surcumming to my inner childlike emotions when my feelings would get hurt, I gave the individual the benefit of the doubt by not taking it personally. Who would have thought that by not wining because of my over sensitivity I would have the opportunity to get to know some pretty amazing people. Yes, there are still those that given a second and sometimes third chance they are just who they are. There was no bad day or moment. They are truly off-putting. The late Maya Angelou through Oprah said; "when a person shows you who they are believe them". Sometimes the first time isn't enough to convince you.
The second word, condescending, is one that has followed me since childhood. I mean, I've had teachers tell me and my mother in parent teacher conferences, the same thing. Teachers for goodness sake; insecure much. Showing that I believe I am more intelligent or better than other people is not a conscious behavior. I don't even know when or if I'm doing it. What I do know is that it is subjective. I've always dressed well, carried myself well, and spoke well. What I know; I know and what I don't know I freely admit. My accusers of this behavior are usually those who are more educated than myself since I only have a Baccalaureate degree. Or, those who have been in the same position for so long that they do not realize there are other ways to accomplish tasks. I don't believe I'm more intelligent than anyone else but when there are times when explaining things to the more experienced and educated I tend to utilize simple analogies when they have difficulty in understanding. I'm being kind since the difficulty is usually resistance to the change or modification to a process or saying no to a practice that has been wrong for so long that it seems right. If that is perceived as being condescending, guilty as charged and thus being off-putting.
Dismiss people much, heck yeah. Sorry, my time and energy are valuable to me and when I feel someone is wasting it--DISMISSED. I do think about and consider, briefly, what is being presented. Most times I do not need to ponder and be reflective and when time is of the essence I may seem I gave no consideration at all. I do, it's just to quick for most to comprehend and that is why they feel dismissed.
For the most part these three words do not say I love you. They're more like "leave me alone".
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