When I went through smoking sensations the group leader mentioned that we will discover our triggers that cause us to want to light up and smoke. Needless to say smoking sensations did nothing for me and I'm still lighting up but this isn't what I want to talk about today.
Today, I'm reviewing the triggers that I have been experiencing lately that cause me to swell up with tears. The triggers that bring back a flood of memories of Joyce, my mother. Just the other day, I saw an elderly woman in line at McDonald's; a place I should not be obtaining my meals from. She was about five foot three inches tall, with white hair, a blue sweater, and a pair of blue jeans. The way she moved through the line and the jeans she wore reminded me of my mom. My eyes began to fill with water right there in line and for an instant I saw "Joyce".
Recently I saw the movie "Guilt Trip" with Barbara Streisand and Seth Rogan. IMDb has it listed as a comedy but I dabbed my eyes through most of the movie. I was Seth and "Joyce" was Barbara. There were many moments in the film that reminded me of my relationship with my mother. There's nothing like a Mother and Son relationship. I've stated in previous posts that I am an "Out and Proud Mama's Boy".
The ache in my tattered heart is still there after three years but it is soothed by the warmth of her memory and the moments we shared driving in our new neighborhood getting lost. We were lost together and that's all that mattered. I didn't have a navigation system then and my sense of direction is non existent. Funny how "Joyce" is the only one who truly understood that. She was amazed at how oblivious I was to my surroundings.
I recall a time when I came home from work and she asked if I saw the flowers. What flowers, I said. The ones you passed on your way in, she responded and shook her head. You pass the flower bed every day and you didn't see that they were in bloom? She couldn't believe that I missed it. My response was, Nope. She and I laughed at my oblivion together. I told her I was a little special and she said, you sure are. She really got me, like no one else.
Hey, miss you ma! Thanks for stopping by in my dreams over the past couple of weeks. I really needed that.
