Xanax Anyone?

I promised my BFF Sheilah that I would attend the “Everybody’s Birthday” celebration at her church this year since I bailed last year.  The event began at 6:30 pm and I arrived at 6:15 not knowing what to expect nor did I realize that it was a fund raiser.  Well of course it would be since it was held at a church.  Another one of those tricky titled fund raisers that I never under stand, like a “Shoe Rally”.  A fund raiser based on shoe size.  I must say, church folk are very creative. 

Parking was a challenge and I had to park two blocks away from the church and walk down a slippery hill to get to the entrance.  When I entered the hall I was surprised at the number of tables that were set up as well as the multitude of people.  Standing on the steps for a moment to take it all in, I searched the hall for Sheilah hoping she would spot me.  This was an enormous event and I became a little unsettled.  I’m not comfortable in crowded situations.  They are a little claustrophobic for me.  My host was in the center of the hall receiving guests and I made my way to her through the tight aisles of tables, chairs, and people carrying plates of food.  Sheilah saw me and we smiled and embraced.  We haven’t seen each other in few months and it was good to see her again.  There was an opening at one of her tables off in a corner and she directed me to it.  As I made my way to the table I said hello to few people I knew from my mother’s church and exchanged pleasantries.  They did inquire how the family was doing since they hadn’t seen me since the funeral last February.

I found my seat off in the corner but didn’t sit down.  Instead I leaned against the wall and observed the people, lots of people.  As I was standing there everything began to close in on me.  I took a few deep breaths to calm myself but the feeling didn’t go away.  One of the table caught on fire and I observed the quickness in which it was put out with the ladled punch.  I found myself looking for an exit and the closest one was across the Hall, the same way I came in.  My chest began to tighten and walls were coming in on me, I had to get out.  I wanted to stay but I knew something was wrong.  I gave my seat to a late arriving mother, draped my jacket and scarf over my arm and proceeded to find Sheilah.  I couldn’t stay.  It was just too much for me.  I found my BFF gave her a hung and passed her a donation as I told her it was too many people for me and I had to go. 

I’ve never had that feeling happen to me before.  Was I experiencing an anxiety attack?  Is that how my mom was feeling before she passed away?  Did the Xanax work for her?  When I got to my car I was relieved but the feeling was still there.  Not sure if I would be able to drive home I stopped off at Rocks take the edge off.  A glass of Chardonnay should do the trick.