Dear Mom,

It has been a year to the day since I held your hand as you slipped away to that glorious kingdom. I thought I would have joined you by now but it is not in his plan though I did have a close call. Mom, this has been a very lonely year without you. The next generation of the Eve’s have been keeping me busy with karaoke every other week and inviting me to birthday parties and holiday dinners. I’ve been keeping myself busy and thinking of you every day. When the day is over I come home to the apartment we shared. I miss you sitting in the love seat watching television outside of my room with the volume so loud that I had to where head phones to hear the program I was watching. My best friend is gone and I have become somewhat reclusive. On the weekends that I do not karaoke, I stay in the house. Sometimes I stay in the bed the entire weekend. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I finally understand what you were going through when the anniversary of your mother’s death approached. I’ve been sad for the past few weeks just dreading this day.

Last night I dreamt about you and woke up at 2:30 am which is the time that I witnessed your death. The nurse didn’t arrive until 2:50 am. It was just you and me for twenty minutes. All I could do was sit at the side of your bed and hold your hand. Mom, did you know I was there? As your spirit floated away did you see me? I was strong but you knew I would be. I think the nurse was shocked at how calm and organized I was. The girls did come up to see you before the nurse came. You would have been proud of Jacqui. Teary eyed, she handled her daughters grief and left me to manage the business at hand. The both of us stepped into our roles as you requested. She called everyone in your address book as the sun came up and I contacted the church and Aunt Betty. By the end of the day everything was arranged and in place. Your Pastor couldn’t believe it when I met with him that afternoon. I’m sorry to say that I’ve only been back to your church once in the past year and that is when the Ushers were honoring you and requested that I come. Mom, don’t be disappointed that I haven’t been to church. I know you wanted me to find a church home but you know my feelings about the organized edifices in this area. You and GOD know my heart.

Well, I just wanted to let you know that we are ok. We miss you and Jacqui tries to keep up with the traditions; Thanks Giving dinner, Christmas dinner and even a New Year’s dinner. We both had today off. She scheduled hers and I was thankful for the snow storm. I don’t think I would have done well at work today. JeNae’s postings on Facebook always end with “RIP Grandma”. She’s been doing that all year. I guess that is her way of dealing with missing you and publically grieving. I have a picture of you as my wallpaper on my computer at work. JeLoni has a scrapbook and Jacqui has the traditions. We are all managing in our own way.

Tell everyone that you have reconnected with there that I said hello and I can’t wait to see them again. I hope Mary Jane has found you. She left us in October 2010. Did Wayne bring the tape of me singing at the workshop? His sister found it and took my address to send it to me but it hasn’t arrived yet. I know you are watching over us and if you get a chance, stop by and visit some time. Don’t worry, you won’t freak me out. OK, that was cute; clanging the radiator. Are you testing me? Yeah, I jumped a little. :)

Love you Mom!

Until we meet again,

Eddie