The most beautiful girl I had ever seen walked into class at St. Anne's. "Class, this is Mildred Jackson. Say hello." the Nun said. In unison the fourth grade class said "hello Mildred". My first female crush. I've crushed before in the second grade, but it was a boy crush. Anthony and I sat next to each other in the old fashioned two seater desks where the tops raised up to store books and supplies in the belly of the desk. For some reason I was attracted to Anthony. He was a larger frame than I was for seconded grader. He actually had muscles and machismo that got me excited. Anthony would walk me half way home and carry my books. He even kissed me once. At times, in class he would grab my hand and place it on his muscular thigh. I think he knew I was a boy even though it was sometimes difficult for people to tell. As a little boy I had very feminine features. Crushing on Anthony was natural to me. I liked him a lot and he looked out for me. He was my protector. I was saddened when he did not return to St. Anne's in the third grade.
I never crushed on the girls in grade school until Mildred appeared. Don't get me wrong, I liked girls as play mates. I jumped a mean rope and they could not beat me in jacks but when they tried to sneak a kiss on my cheek I would run away, yuk. I played with the girls because it was safe and I didn't get all flustered as I did with boys. Little boys like rough and tough contact play which for some reason, thanks Nathaniel, would get me excited. It was better that I stayed away from them. Besides, I didn't like getting hurt, scraping my knees, sweating out my uniform, and looking disheveled after recess. Sitting in class the rest of the day smelling musty was not my cup of tea. I think we already established that I was a little prissy as a kid. Mildred, I can't say her name enough, just impressed me so much. I was drawn to this beautiful girl. For the first time I was excited by a girl and I didn't know what to do. I had never been in this position before. Anthony new what to do when he obviously was drawn to me. I didn't have to do anything but accept the penny candy, allow him to carry my books, walk me home, and let him kiss me in the empty truck near the slaughter house. What to do, what to do? I must admit I was a smart kid and I realized that I should do what Anthony did; buy her penny candy, carry her books, and walk her home. I wasn't bold enough to try and kiss her.
Conquering my fears, I would walk Mildred all the way home to her door step passing the block I would normally turn down to my house and entering a neighborhood I knew nothing about other than that it was rough. Most of the time we would walk in silence. I would just bask in the moment of being with her not knowing what to say or do. I wanted to hold her hand but was to scared to reach for it. I was a silly little boy, hopelessly in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. This behavior went on for most of the second half of the school year until tragedy came crashing down and I lost my Mildred.
(To be continued...)
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