...In The Beginning

I have flash memories of the things I was aware of concerning Charles.  I knew he was different and the family always spoke about ihim in whispers.  He always tayed in his room when we came over.  It was like the family didn't want me near him or he felt guilty about my burns.  I found myself trying to get into his room.  I felt drawn to him for some reason d didn't know why.  I know he looked like a girl to me.  I guess he was a drag queen.  I don't really know, but that is a flash I have.  I see him warapping himself with a large bandage all around his chest and stomach.  I remember seeing him in a wig and lipstick.  I was curious as to what he was doing and I couldn't have been any more than three-fours years old.
A large bath towel served as my bandage when I wrapped my chest and stomach.  It was so long that I couldn't  get it tight like his so it hung like a dress and I remember I liked it.  Mommy didn't realize I was trying to dress like Charles, remember I was sneaky and for some reason I knew she wouldn't want me to do it.  She was to busy with my baby sister and daddy had resigned from fatherhood.  I was desingated as the man of the house at a very early age, before formal education, and had to fend for myself.  Not a good thing for a curious develish kid who was trying hard to be like the other boys but enjoyed playing with his sister's toys.

During my mischievous thre's and four's there was a two year old always hanging around me.  As themanof the house I needed my independence, but I couldn't go outside in the yard without Jackie tagging along.  I couldn't play in the playroom on Alexander Street by myself.  We had a very large room off the kitchen in that apartment.  It was the designated storage area for toys where we were trained to keep them in there and in order.  If we wanted to play, we played there.  I couldn't run mommy over with my red wagon like I did with my walker, but I had fun in the playroom anyway.  I had a vivid imagination.  I played withthe proverbial imaginary friends and sang and danced for myself.  This was my space, my solitude, my time to scheme on what I could get into.  Little Miss Tagalong would always interrupt my solace.  She would come in, at that time crawalin, and want to play with me.  When she got a little older and could walk, I had to take her everywhere I went.  This went on until she graduated from pre-school to Kindergarten.

One day for some reason I had the playroom all to myself.  Jackie was napping.  The man of the house didn't have to take namps unless he wanted to.  I had two reall playmates that lived across the hall,  Pinky and Tony.  They were brothers about five and six years old.  I had great toys to play with and they would come over and enjoy them with me.  I may have been spoiled but I wasn't selfish.  At four years old I had an attraction to Pinky and Tony.  They looked out for me because I was the youngest and I didn't' have to be the man of the house around them.  They were rough and tough little boys who culd handle the older kids.  I guess Feud wuld say that I viewed them as "father figures" or "protectors" which eased the pressure I had of being the man of the house.  I would do whatever they told me to do.